Expressions to honor and beautify your world: with hand made Japanese silk brocade scrolls

For decades I have been captivated by the beauty and artistic depth of Japanese ideograms (a picture or symbol used in a system of writing to represent a thing or an idea). 


Over the past several years I have been offering Zen Brush calligraphy retreats throughout the region.


I have now been illustrating these ideograms on beautiful hand made Japanese silk brocade scrolls.


Here are some examples of what these beautiful scrolls look like.

Harmony

God

         Love                                          

       

       Peace                            

      Patience



These could make beautiful gifts for the holidays, birthdays, weddings, births/baptisms, engagements, or even for yourself. The cost per scroll is $45 plus shipping.

Here are some other ideograms that can be ordered:

Beauty
Faith
Mountain
Beginner's Mind
Forever
Nothing
Enso (Zen Circle)
God
One
Blessing    
Haiku
Patience
Buddha
Happy
Peace
Christ
Harmony
Prayer
Circle
Health
River
Compassion
Heart
Skillful
Destiny
Kindness
Spirit
Tao    
Life
Strength/Power
Dream
Love
Void
Emptiness
Mind
Water
Equal
Mindfulness
Wisdom
Eternity
Moon
Zen

If you are interested feel free to call (608.783.2186) or email me at tbr1401@gmail.com.

Tom

Is Forgiveness Always Possible? Or Necessary?

Consider this. 

Sometimes we place too much emphasis on forgiveness. "if you are a good..... you will forgive." 



Now, what if what you are attempting to forgive is in fact un-forgivable? Yes un-forgivable.



I do believe and have experienced that there are things that happen that very possibly are un-forgivable in the human experience. To not forgive these things is OK. It does NOT make you a bad person. 



You see the connotation (synonym) of forgiveness is to absolve, let off the hook, wipe the slate clean. To try to do this with the truly unforgivable is to do violence to your soul. 



Remember the last several utterances of The Christ before he died: "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do." 



Do you see it? 



Even The Christ as he hung bleeding and nailed to the cross had to turn it over. He did not say "I forgive you." This was even too much for Him. So, let yourself off the hook in forcing forgiveness when it just may not be possible or even necessary. 



Turn the forgiveness over to your something larger (God, the universe, the Tao, whatever yours is) If forgiveness is not possible for you (and by the way NO-ONE can define this for you!) then try to have compassion for the offending person. Compassion for the suffering they must live with that brought them to act the way they do.



Leave them with their suffering. There is nothing you can do about it, except to make room for your healing.

The Path of Simply Being: A meditation retreat At Shambhala Mountain Center April 9-12, 2015

Simplifying Meditation: Why Practice? To Wake Up!

By Thomas Roberts

Thomas Roberts leads The Path of Simply Being: A Meditation Retreat, April 9-12, 2015 

These days you hear a great deal about meditation. This kind of meditation, that kind of meditation; all sorts of books describing what it is and what it can do for you. Often meditation is associated with a particular religion or spiritual practice. Let’s clear something up right at the start.

Meditation is not a religion. Meditative/contemplative practices have been part of numerous spiritual practices throughout history. No one owns it.

Meditation is not Prozac. It does not cure or solve anything.

Meditation does not make you a better parent, a better doctor, a better student, help you be less depressed or anxious.

In fact meditation does no-thing at all!

Like everything else that gets exploited, meditation is now neatly packaged for your consumptive desires.

Everybody is touting and selling meditation. Step right up and get yours.

Okay let’s restore some sanity here.

A meditation practice doesn’t help you overcome anything. It just helps you face your life with greater patience, openness and compassion.

If you do meditation for some outcome you’re not doing mindfulness. I’m not sure what you’re doing and it may be beneficial but it is not meditation.

You see, the real practice of meditation has no outcome. You don’t do meditation to get anywhere or achieve anything. If you do, you run the risk of becoming attached to that particular outcome and that interferes with your meditation practice.

So why practice mindfulness?

All the great teachers (Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, Toltec, Muslim, Native Peoples) have taught one thing:

The only reason to practice mindfulness is this:

to wake up!!!!

That’s all.

To wake up!

A regular meditation practice simply peels back the layers of self-deception to see things clearly as they truly are. The more you wake up, the more you are able to live your life from an open compassionate heart, and a balanced calm mind; from a deep place of innate wisdom. The benefits of awakening move in all directions throughout all your experiences.

Meditation is the awakening of our entire experience, not just our minds; the awakening of our entire body-mind and its sensory experience. This awakening reduces our fear-based reactions and cultivates our natural ability respond to others and ourselves with great patience, openness and compassion. Our senses become alive with wonder and curiosity for past conditionings and limiting attachments.

So let’s stop all this nonsense of trying to practice meditation for any particular outcome.

It comes down to this: Practice this enduring skill for its own sake, and everything else will take care of itself.

The simple yet profound practice of mindful meditation, whether on a cushion or in a chair, or in a grocery line, or talking with another, just keeps you in an open, balanced, and compassionate place that just makes this a better world.

The Path of Simply Being retreat will be a wonderful experience in developing a meaningful and beneficial meditation practice.

You need not have any prior meditation experience. Or you may wish to attend to deepen or re-kindle your practice.

Hope to see you here at Shambhala!

Gassho.

Tom

www.thomasrobertsllc.com

www.innerchng.com

Be a good consumer!

Hello!

I hear so many people discuss their experiences with their healthcare provider.

Often they are frustrated because they do not feel they are being listened to, understood, respected, too quickly given medications among other things.

When I ask if they bring up their concerns to their provider unanimously they respond "No! OH! I couldn't say anything like this to my doctor."

So I began thinking: : Hey! Wait just a moment here, whose running the show?

For decades the medical profession maintained the position of being the authority, in charge, what you hand your healthcare over to.

Just take a moment to consider this:

As soon as you walk into a healthcare facility you are hiring THEM!

Yes that is right they are YOUR employees! You are paying them for their skill and resources. No different than if you were to hire someone to put an addition on to your house.

Would you put up with not being listened to? Respected? given something you did not really want from your builder?

No!

So why do we accept this with one of the most important purchases we make....our healthcare?

BE A GOOD CONSUMER!

Remember you are hiring them. Expect your employees to what you ask of them with respect and with good listening and understanding.

Be well!

Tom

Letting go of our need to control

Greeting all.

Well I have returned to offer some thought and ideas.

This time I am writing about our penchant to want to control outcomes.

We would all like to feel we have the power to control cause and effect. That is, to control how things turn our in our lives.

"If I do this,

 then that will happen."

For example:

If I take this medicine,

I will feel beter.

If I am nice to you,

you should be nice to me.

If we teach our children

they will learn.

I I study hard,

I will get an A

If I am a perfect parent,

my children will be happy and well adjusted.

We all want to think we can cause things to be the way we want. This is a rather linear way of thinking about how the world works. If I do A then B will happen.

In the retreats I offer, I talk about the two aspects that go into our need to control outcomes.

1) Insistence
2) Resistance

We insist that things go the way we want, and then we resist things when they turn out differently. This is the basis of much of our suffering and frustration.

We are learning everyday that everything from the tiniest sub-atomic particles to the largest galaxies do not control one another, rather they influence each other. We have also learned that just by observing an event we exert an influence on what occurs! Just being present effects outcomes that we often are not even aware of.

When I was in college I was taught the proper experimental method. Develop a hypothesis, introduce and independent variable and measure the dependent variable. For example: Smiling more will reduce conflict in couples. Introduce different levels of smiling and measure the results. Except something was happening. The cause and effect was not 100%. I learned that I could not control all confounding variables. So, the best I could do was offer the results as a degree of influence. 

There goes linear thinking. A does not always cause B. A might cause B to happen but there are often so many other things going on with B that we can only guess how much A causes B. In fact, we can only say how much A influences B.

So what do we do?

Shift our approach to ourselves, others, and the world from one of control to influence. To place our attention and energy in offering what each situation is asking from us. Offering at any given moment, the most positive influence on this process.

I am sure Jim Harbaugh would have loved to control the outcome of the last Super Bowl. All he could do was prepare his team in order to have the greatest influence in the process of the game.

Influence on the process.

Stuck in traffic and late for a meeting? Pounding on the dashboard and yelling is trying to control outcomes. Get other drivers to do what we want, thinking we can control the stop lights: insistence (insist that you make all the lights to your destination) and resistance (blaming Murphy's Law, the driver ahead of you, the weather). 

Taking a deep breath and listening to some calming music, talk with your partner about the grandkids, notice the sunrise, are all ways to more positively influence the process that is occurring (you sitting at a red light). What is occurring will not necessarily change at your beckon, how you respond will influence the quality of your life and those around you! 

You can influence how you respond, you cannot control the universe!

So, the next time you find yourself in insistence and resistance mode, take a deep breath and ask yourself: 

What can I do to help? 

How can I best influence in the most positive way possible? 

What is something constructive I can offer?

Is my response making this situation better or worse?

Our lives are going to unfold as they do. We do not drive the unfolding of events. We can show up with the most patient, open and compassionate perspective possible.

When we shift our efforts to influencing the process we can relax a bit. We can now look at things as "how close can I get." Rather that "can I get what I want?" "

If I study hard, let's see how close I can get to geting an A. 

If I change my diet and exercise let's see how much better I will begin to feel.

If I am not as defensive let's see how people around me respond.

The shift from to "it has to be a certain way", to "let's see what happens." There are just far to many factors that effect outcomes that we have no control over. To continue to insist that if you do A then you can expect B, is to ignore how events come into being.

So in closing, let go of the need to control outcomes and work with situations as they arise with greater patience, openness and compassion. This will enhance the quality of your life in many ways. I won't say in which ways because that will be just trying to control outcomes again. Just show up and see what happens when you let go of your insistance to control outcomes.

Is bigger better?

Greetings to all!

I received an e-mail today that emphasized the importance of "being big," "going big," asking if we are up to something big in our life; or if we are setting for the small.

Well this got me thinking.

Consider this: Reflect on the times that something small, simple, modest had a huge influence on all of us.

I will mention a few:

The Buddha sitting, waiting patiently for enlightenment under the Bodhi Tree

Jesus exhorting us: "Those without sin cast the first stone."

Miester Eckhardt: "If the only prayer you say in your life is 'thank you,' that would suffice."

And.....

And....

Here is a link to a beautiful video that reminds us that it is sometime a small gesture that can make a real profound change.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=zyGEEamz7ZM&list=FLa-7-qNljhrvUv0LeTSPAEA&index=180&feature=plpp_video

OK. Point made.....

Our culture so sadly emphasizes the BIG (cars, breasts, money, titles, wars, championships, muscles) often leaving us to feel inadequate, less that, not good enough unless we are doing something BIG. So we think we are settling. The messages we receive are deficiency based!

Think about it.

When was the last issue of Cosmopolitan that told women they are fine just they way they are? The last issue of financial magazines that told us to remember to focus on other things than being afraid about whether we have enough money?

OK?

So when considering the importance of the life you have been given, please do not overlook the small gestures.

Not everything BIG is all that big. Yes, I have highlighted some pretty influential people, but remember, but all they have asked us to do is follow their examples in our lives.

So the next time you feel less that, do something small

• listen to a bird song
• smile at another person
• relax your breath
• pick up some litter
• be patient
• call a friend
• let someone out in traffic

A small pebble makes ripples too.

For your reference and reminder:

http://www.monarchbreeze.com/Desiderata.html

We are all enough! The more we allow ourselves to accept this and embrace what is right, the more what we do will leave a wonderful impact.

Peace and Gassho.

Tom

Mindfulness, Mindfulness.... Where has mindfulness gone?

Mindfulness mindfulness mindfulness. Mindfulness for this, mindfulness for that. Everywhere you

turn you see or hear about mindfulness.

For example, mindfulness to become a better parent, mindfulness to become a better doctor, mindfulness to become a better lawyer, mindfulness in order to be a better student, mindfulness in order to get rid of headaches, and can you believe it mindfulness even mindfulness overcome shyness.

Yes even me! In trying to work with my publisher on an acceptable title for my book I was repeatedly told that the title must PROMISE something to the reader, something they want. I lost that battle. In the subtitle of my book it reads: "…to overcome fear and embrace compassion." This is a promise, I don't even believe.

The true mindful practice doesn't help you overcome anything. It just helps you face things better.

Like everything else that gets exploited mindfulness is now neatly package for your consumptive desires.

Its right up there on the shelf with shoes, lawn mowers, vacation packages, breakfast cereals, eyeliners, and the best diet

Everybody is touting and selling mindfulness. Step right up and get yours.

Okay let's restore some sanity here.

If you do mindfulness for some outcome you're not doing mindfulness. I'm not sure what you're doing and it may be beneficial but it is not mindfulness.

You see, the real practice all mindfulness has no outcome. You don't do mindfulness to get anywhere or achieve anything.

So why practice mindfulness?

All the great teachers (Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, Toltec, Muslim, Native Peoples) have taught one thing:

The only reason to practice mindfulness is this: to wake up!!!!

That's all.

To wake up!

The more you peel back the layers of self deception and see things clearly as they truly are, in other words the more wake you become, the more you are able to live your life from an open compassionate heart, and a balanced calm mind. The benefits of this spontaneously move in all directions throughout all space and time.

Geez, Neuropsychology (Richard Davidson at UW-Madison and others) has even shown that those who simply practice mindfulness meditation (i.e. the Dalai Lama) show profound changes in the structures of their brain!

So stop all this nonsense of trying to practice mindfulness for any particular outcome.

Practice this enduring skill for its own sake, and everything else will take care of itself.

The simple yet profound practice of mindful meditation, whether on a cushion or in a chair, or in a grocery line, or talking with another, just keeps you in an open, balanced, and compassionate place that just makes this a better world.

Oh, yea, from now on I am going to avoid using the word "mindfulness." It has become so overused that we just don't know any more what we are talking about. I am not sure what I will use in its place: Presence, or Deeply wakeful…….

Until the next series of moments arrive.

Tom

So much of what we are exposed to is about being told WHAT to think. I really encourage all of us to work more diligently on HOW to think. That is to really examine if what is being expressed reflects what is true for you. I just finished two wonderful little books that I feel are helpful in this respect. They are: Buddhism: It is not what you think; and The Naked Now: Learning to see as the mystics see. Please do not let the titles effect you. Both authors talk about how to clearly see and think for ourselves. They are useful in all areas of our lives. Let me know what you think!

I created you from love. Why do you hate? Reflection on war.

I am very distressed when I see war and God linked together. Associating religion and killing is a very dangerous (an seriously inaccurate) alliance. A cartoon editorial today displayed God as saluting soldier in a way that communicates his approval for war and killing as a way to create peace. Hmmmmmm not sure that is what God (or whatever your faith refers to) really intends for us.
Peace only happens when we work towards creating patience, openness, and compassion. Gandhi "defeated" the British without raising a gun, and let's see, did Jesus, Buddha etc. exhort us to raise arms against one another? No.
My son reminds me that as long as there are "bad guys," there will always be the need for war. Perhaps. Let's remember that there are people who also see us as "bad guys too."
We also see this mentality in the political dialogue as well. One side needing to justify itself by vilifying the other.
So when do we stop all this "bad guy" stuff? Take a long hard compassionate look at that picture of this Earth rising above the horizon of the moon, and realize that we are all on this planet together. No one, and I mean NO ONE has the authority to define another as a "bad guy." We really cannot afford continue this type of hateful thinking.

When will we begin to look at one another as anything other than a miracle?

Peace.

Tom

On Wisconsin

No, this is not the fight song for the UW. This is about the fighting going on in Wisconsin. I debated with myself about whether to weigh in on this. Obviously I decided to. I am not Republican, nor Democrat. I vote people and issues. I have voted Democrat, Republican, Independent, Libertarian, and Green. I am not spoon fed what to think and how to vote by slick marketing spin doctors, nor self righteous leaders of political parties. I think for myself. So, with this said here I go.

This is for ALL of our elected state leaders. First, go back to Kindergarten! Learn to share and play well with others. Running away to try and get your way is not really the way to work the system. You abdicate your responsibility of representing those who elected you to have a voice in Madison. On the other hand, deciding how to do an end run while half your team is absent is just plain poor sportsmanship. Yes, it can be done….but why?

Second, Go back to High school and re-take Civics class. Remember this is a participatory democracy. That means to participate! All of you, for the betterment of all of us! It also means to remember the adage “Of the people, by the people.” Not of the Republicans for the Republicans, or of the Democrats by the Democrats! When political agendas subjugate the democratic process we are all in trouble. This isn’t happening only in Wisconsin either. Look how often you are defined by what news channel you watch! Yikes!

Finally, this is for Governor Walker. Lead by leading. Not by intimidation and threats. If you want people to trust and follow you, set the example. For example, move out of the Governor’s Mansion (this has been done before) and into a 2 bedroom apartment (maybe this hasn’t). Give up the servants, the cooks, and the people who do your laundry and live like the rest of us. Pay yourself $1 for the first year of your term. If you want the rest of us to tighten the belt and make concessions, then try doing this yourself. I think you would get far more cooperation and respect.

In closing, let’s not loose sight of one very important oft ignored issue. Politics aside, we must look at how we are treating one another. Using this time to point the finger, give the finger, blame, accuse, and use violent and aggressive language towards one another is extremely divisive and unbecoming. Exciting apprehension and anger is a serious symptom of people reacting out of fear and feeling out of control. As if their voice do not matter. Is this what we really want? Changes have to be made, no doubt. But, to scare people into submission just is not the way to do it. Neither is to retaliate out of hostility. We are a state (and a nation) seriously divided. We must remember the bigger picture. We have a precious Democracy to protect. We are all in this together, and it will take all of us together to get through these difficult times.

Why shoud we be so surprised?

Why should we be so surprised?


It is so curious to sit back and watch the hostility and aggression being used to decry hostility and aggression. Sadly, this tragedy, while presently newsworthy will not change things appreciably. Nothing will change this sort of behavior until our fundamental orientation to each other and to our world changes. Watch the venomous finger pointing, blaming, holding certain people and groups accountable. This sort of thinking is not much different from the deranged thinking of a Jared Loughner. Be scared, be angry, and point it at someone you do not like!

We are sadly reminded of the pervasive violence in our country by the horror in Tucson. But why should we be so surprised? We are and have been a very violent nation.
What Jared Loughner did merely reflects who we are as a nation. Responsibility for his actions must be borne by all of us! What one person does, we all do.

Now lets talk about fear. Specifically, how fear has been used to manipulate individuals and nations. This is well documented. When Germany was in a serious state of economic crisis, a man named Adolf Hitler capitalized on the national fear and distress by maximizing every German’s fear, and subsequently identifying an enemy: the Jews. You know the rest of the story.

Now, there are many other instances of how peoples fear was manipulated: Jim Jones, The Crusades, Pol Pot, religious extremists, Ku Klux Klan. They all utilize the very same strategy. Whip up as much fear as possible and find an enemy to take it out on. Power hungry people are skillful at manipulating fear, then identifying an enemy to blame for the fear,

Human violence permeates all of our lives. Not just the newsworthy violence that captures our attention until the next news item is put in front of us. There is the violence perpetrated on a small girl, alone in her bedroom being sexually abused by a family member. There is the woman who gets her jaw broken because she was 3 minutes late coming home form the store. There is the hate and violence aimed at blacks, immigrants, gays/lesbians, Democrats, Republicans, etc. Fear attempts to frighten and silence. So why do we act as if the actions of Jared Loughner are so out of the ordinary? They are not! The just remind of what we wish to ignore on a wholesale scale.

So why aren’t things going to change as a result of this violence? Well, simply put , because of fear. When we relate to one another out of fear we no longer can feel any sort of empathy. Fear turns others into things to protect ourselves from, and we then react accordingly. Fear blinds us (hence the saying “blind fear”). The child is no longer a child, it is a thing to act out power and control needs; that woman is no longer a loved one, rather a thing that threatens; Democrats/ Republicans are no longer people who have hopes and dreams, but villains, which threaten the very fabric on our country.

So, you see, this tragedy in Tucson will not change unless, we as human beings, wake up and recognize how dreadfully our most basic fears are being manipulated for the gain of those who want power, wealth, and fame. As soon as we recognize this sort of manipulation, we will be far less likely to be driven to rain violence down on each other. We will be able to live by the words:

“You are none other than me with a different name and a different face.” And treat each other with great patience, openness, and compassion.

Fear is the basis of all violence, greed, hatred and war! Stop the manipulation! Think for ourselves!

When we listen to and begin to live by the great teachers (Christ, Buddha, Krishna, Merton, King, Gandhi and of course many others) then this madness will stop.

WORKING WITH THE FOUR VEILS

Working with the Four Veils

This talk will explore the four tricky techniques big deal mind uses to protect solid self: illusions, delusions, attachments, and aggression. I think of these as veils—something that conceals, separates, or screens out. Illusions, delusions, attachments, and aggression all interfere with clear seeing by providing a perspective on your experiences that can be radically different from what’s actually occurring, which has the effect of separating you from the ongoing flow of your life. These four veils are interwoven and often interdependent. When illusions are challenged, delusion steps in to explain the discrepancy, then resistance to any information to the contrary shows up as attachment. Ultimately, aggression steps in to protect all three. The journey though illusion, delusion, and attachment generally occurs so quickly that we don’t recognize their influence until they show up in aggressive mindless reactions.

Watching the activity of the four veils will by keep you from being hooked into mindless reactions and will go a long way to deepening your mindful presence and practice throughout your life. Remember that mindful practice in not about getting rid of the four veils, rather bringing patient, open, and compassionate awareness to the flow of your life experiences.

Here are easy practices you can use in you day to day life that will help remind you to maintain spacious presence and break your reactive cycle. This section of practices will span a four week period. Each week will help strengthen mindful presnence in the presence of your four veils. You will work with your four veils while bringing mindful awareness to them.

Here is the strategy:

Begin and end every day with reminding yourself of the importance of cultivating patience, openness, and compassion. With each of the following pracrtices, take 15 – 20 minutes each day and connect with your breath.

Week one Illusion: During this week begin and end each day resting in the presence of your breath. As you breathe in silently repeat to yourself: I am reminded of my connection to all of life. As you breathe out silently repeat to yourself: I relax into the flow of all life.”

If you mind resists and wanders gently return to your breath and your remeiders.

Week two Delusion: During this week begin and end each day resting in the presence of your breath. As you breathe in silently repeat to yourself: I will listen to my lifes story. As you breathe out silently repeat: I will let go of my story.

Week three Attachment: Druing this week begin and end each day resting in the presence of your breath. As you breathe In silently repeat: I am letting go resistance. As you breathe out silently repeat: I am embracing all that is offered in each moment.


Week four Aggression: And finally during this week begin and end each day resting in the presence of your breath. As you breathe in silently repeat: I notice my fear/reaction. As you breathe out silently repeat: I strive to offer a patient, open, and compassionate response

The more you watch the four veils the less influence they will have. Bring spacious watchfulness to how the four veils operate, and you bring yourself closer and closer to enhancing mindful responses in your life. Every time you stop and pause with these four practices, you soften the solidity of your experience and create greater spaciousness for patience, openness, and compassion to deepen you mindful presence.

The nice thing about these practices is that you can take them with you throughout your day. When needed pause, return to your breath and silently repeat these reminders. If you are resisting the flow of life return to the reminders practiced in week one. If you are caught up in listening to your stories about the events of your life, return to the reminders you practiced in week two. If you are being stubborn, or otherwise attached, return to the reminders you practiced in week three. IF you are feeling tight and reactive return to the reminders you practiced in week 4.

Also, if you find that you struggle with one or more of these veils return to that chapter and keep working. The more you keep bringing watchful, spacious awareness to the flow of your life the more meaningful your mindful presence will become. This is a process. The more you work with it, the more it will work in your life.

As you navigate through the ongoing ebb and flow of your life experiences, take time to pause and reconnect with your awareness of how your veils of illusion, delusion, attachment, and aggression may be keeping you disconnected from others, from everything your life has to offer, and even from yourself.
Through the difficult work of self-inquiry in part 2 of this book, you’ve come to understand yourself and your ways of responding to the world, creating a foundation you can build upon as you expand your practice out into the world around you. Part 3 of this book will help you apply mindfulness to everyday activities such as eating, walking, and driving—and to your awareness of the world around you. It will also help you bring patience, openness, and compassion to the more substantial challenges of mindfulness in relationships. In the final chapter, I’ll introduce you to the ancient practice of loving-kindness meditation, which will help you extend compassion outward in an expansive way, ultimately to all living beings.

Thank a red light!

Hello!

So often we (me included!) are in a perpetual hurry, our minds firmly fixed on where it is we are headed to that we often miss one of the greatest opportunities to pause and reclaim a sense of mindful presence.

I am referring to the red light! That's right. When busily driving around, take this opportunity to change your perspective. See your driving amidst traffic as an example of how to be in the flow of the events of your life.

Rather than resisting, cursing, hitting your steering wheel about the red light, step back and view it as an opportunity. After all, getting upset is not going to make the light change any faster! They are all on timers! They are really not out to make your life miserable. Your reaction is what is making you miserable.

So when you come upon a red light say: Thank you! Take this time to find your pause (if you are not familiar with how to reconnect with your pause, check it out in my book The Mindfulness Workbook: A Beginners Guide to Overcoming Fear and Embracing Compassion). Rest with your pause and make the most of what this red light is offering too you. Look around you. Notice something pleasant, put a gentle smile on your face.

Again one of many occurrences in our lives that we can take advantage of to bring a greater sense of mindful presence alive for ourselves.

Peace to you.

Tom

mindfulness and relationships

I read this quote today and thought of the importance of remaining mindfully present in the way we relate to others.

"What others think of us would be of little value did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves."
- Paul Valery

Take some time today and reflect: The way we treat others is a mirror of the way we treat ourselves. If we are critical of others, in what way are we critical of ourselves? If we judge others how do we judge ourselves. If we put others down and ridicule them, how is it we do the same to ourselves?

You see it is so very easy to keep the focus on all that stuff out there: politics, religion, the environment, your mother-in-law, the kids, the president, our weight, the car we drive, getting others approval. This makes it very difficult to see that the source of our struggles resides is how we relate to ourselves.

Take some time each day to practice forgiveness, forgiveness towards our-selves. Give our-selves a break. Let our-selves be human and accept that we are who we are without criticism, judgment, or comparison. The more we accept ourselves as we are, the more we will do the same with others.

Watch how, as we learn to go lightly on ourselves we will begin to do the same with others.

Start with patience. Slow down and be more patient with yourself. Be realistic about what it is you expect to get done today. Pace yourself, and make some quiet time for yourself. Your life is unfolding just as it is. Are you going with it or fighting it because you want thing to go faster, get done sooner? Be patient with others around you. Remember they too are trying the best they can and are struggling with their own self judgments, criticisms, and fears. They don't need yours too!

Next practice openness. By openness I mean curiosity. Simply remain open to what is unfolding at any given moment. Whatever is occurring may or may not be what it is you want or think should be happening, none-the-less, it is happening any way. Watch how you try to control, resist, manipulate. By practicing openness, you can remain responsive to other people and you will find that your responses will add to what is occurring rather than fighting against it.

Finally practice compassion. There is a wonderful Zen saying:

"You are none other than me with a different name and a different face."

Practicing compassion when relating to others invites you to bring this awareness to better understanding and responding to others. Remembering this phrase allows you to keep from reacting to how other people may be thinking, feeling and/or reacting and respond with great compassion. Rather than needing to be right you can respond with "how can I help?"

As a final word. The wonderful thing about all this is that all we need to do is check in with ourselves. If we are agitated, angry, sad, disappointed, lonely, all we need to do is re-direct our awareness to what it is that the "out there" is touching "in here." Then it becomes easier. Rather that trying to do battle with, change, control, the others, life, we can focus our attention and energies where we can actually do something about our struggles. Yourself!

Treat yourself with greater patience, openness, and compassion, and you will see how this brings positive things to all of your relationships!

Every day mindfulness

Often I am asked if there are other ways to practice mindfulness than just in meditation.

YES!

Unfortunately, the way mindfulness is often portrayed leaves us thinking that mindfulness in just about meditation.

In fact mindfulness is about how to live in the world.

So here are some easy ways you can gently bring mindful attention to your everyday life:

One minute attention:

1. For one minute, stop what you are doing
2. At your desk, at a stop light, before eating a meal.
3. Relax your shoulders
4. Relax your jaw
5. Simply watch your breath
6. When finished, take a beep cleansing breath



Mindful eating:

1. Create an environment that is conducive to eating: Turn off phones, T.V., computers, etc.
2. Put a minimal amount of food on your plate.
3. Take a moment to pause and look at the food you are about to enjoy: look at the colors, shapes, and textures
4. Choose your first bite.
5. Put your utensil down, fold your hands in your lap and chew
6. Pause after you shallow before taking your next bite.

You may be surprised that you do not eat as much.


Walking mindfully.

Walking is something we also do every day. Too often we rush about oblivious to what is going on around us. We miss so much!

Here is a way to use walking as a way to awaken our senses:

1. While walking (in the grocery store, out to your car after work, to a meeting or appointment) just slow your pace down just a bit
2. Choose one of your senses and notice what is going on. What there is to see, or hear, or feel, or smell.
3. Stay with that sense for a minute.
4. Then change to another sense and again notice what that sense is picking up.



As with any practice of mindfulness, if your mind wanders, gently bring it back to the practice.