So much of what we are exposed to is about being told WHAT to think. I really encourage all of us to work more diligently on HOW to think. That is to really examine if what is being expressed reflects what is true for you. I just finished two wonderful little books that I feel are helpful in this respect. They are: Buddhism: It is not what you think; and The Naked Now: Learning to see as the mystics see. Please do not let the titles effect you. Both authors talk about how to clearly see and think for ourselves. They are useful in all areas of our lives. Let me know what you think!

I created you from love. Why do you hate? Reflection on war.

I am very distressed when I see war and God linked together. Associating religion and killing is a very dangerous (an seriously inaccurate) alliance. A cartoon editorial today displayed God as saluting soldier in a way that communicates his approval for war and killing as a way to create peace. Hmmmmmm not sure that is what God (or whatever your faith refers to) really intends for us.
Peace only happens when we work towards creating patience, openness, and compassion. Gandhi "defeated" the British without raising a gun, and let's see, did Jesus, Buddha etc. exhort us to raise arms against one another? No.
My son reminds me that as long as there are "bad guys," there will always be the need for war. Perhaps. Let's remember that there are people who also see us as "bad guys too."
We also see this mentality in the political dialogue as well. One side needing to justify itself by vilifying the other.
So when do we stop all this "bad guy" stuff? Take a long hard compassionate look at that picture of this Earth rising above the horizon of the moon, and realize that we are all on this planet together. No one, and I mean NO ONE has the authority to define another as a "bad guy." We really cannot afford continue this type of hateful thinking.

When will we begin to look at one another as anything other than a miracle?

Peace.

Tom

On Wisconsin

No, this is not the fight song for the UW. This is about the fighting going on in Wisconsin. I debated with myself about whether to weigh in on this. Obviously I decided to. I am not Republican, nor Democrat. I vote people and issues. I have voted Democrat, Republican, Independent, Libertarian, and Green. I am not spoon fed what to think and how to vote by slick marketing spin doctors, nor self righteous leaders of political parties. I think for myself. So, with this said here I go.

This is for ALL of our elected state leaders. First, go back to Kindergarten! Learn to share and play well with others. Running away to try and get your way is not really the way to work the system. You abdicate your responsibility of representing those who elected you to have a voice in Madison. On the other hand, deciding how to do an end run while half your team is absent is just plain poor sportsmanship. Yes, it can be done….but why?

Second, Go back to High school and re-take Civics class. Remember this is a participatory democracy. That means to participate! All of you, for the betterment of all of us! It also means to remember the adage “Of the people, by the people.” Not of the Republicans for the Republicans, or of the Democrats by the Democrats! When political agendas subjugate the democratic process we are all in trouble. This isn’t happening only in Wisconsin either. Look how often you are defined by what news channel you watch! Yikes!

Finally, this is for Governor Walker. Lead by leading. Not by intimidation and threats. If you want people to trust and follow you, set the example. For example, move out of the Governor’s Mansion (this has been done before) and into a 2 bedroom apartment (maybe this hasn’t). Give up the servants, the cooks, and the people who do your laundry and live like the rest of us. Pay yourself $1 for the first year of your term. If you want the rest of us to tighten the belt and make concessions, then try doing this yourself. I think you would get far more cooperation and respect.

In closing, let’s not loose sight of one very important oft ignored issue. Politics aside, we must look at how we are treating one another. Using this time to point the finger, give the finger, blame, accuse, and use violent and aggressive language towards one another is extremely divisive and unbecoming. Exciting apprehension and anger is a serious symptom of people reacting out of fear and feeling out of control. As if their voice do not matter. Is this what we really want? Changes have to be made, no doubt. But, to scare people into submission just is not the way to do it. Neither is to retaliate out of hostility. We are a state (and a nation) seriously divided. We must remember the bigger picture. We have a precious Democracy to protect. We are all in this together, and it will take all of us together to get through these difficult times.

Why shoud we be so surprised?

Why should we be so surprised?


It is so curious to sit back and watch the hostility and aggression being used to decry hostility and aggression. Sadly, this tragedy, while presently newsworthy will not change things appreciably. Nothing will change this sort of behavior until our fundamental orientation to each other and to our world changes. Watch the venomous finger pointing, blaming, holding certain people and groups accountable. This sort of thinking is not much different from the deranged thinking of a Jared Loughner. Be scared, be angry, and point it at someone you do not like!

We are sadly reminded of the pervasive violence in our country by the horror in Tucson. But why should we be so surprised? We are and have been a very violent nation.
What Jared Loughner did merely reflects who we are as a nation. Responsibility for his actions must be borne by all of us! What one person does, we all do.

Now lets talk about fear. Specifically, how fear has been used to manipulate individuals and nations. This is well documented. When Germany was in a serious state of economic crisis, a man named Adolf Hitler capitalized on the national fear and distress by maximizing every German’s fear, and subsequently identifying an enemy: the Jews. You know the rest of the story.

Now, there are many other instances of how peoples fear was manipulated: Jim Jones, The Crusades, Pol Pot, religious extremists, Ku Klux Klan. They all utilize the very same strategy. Whip up as much fear as possible and find an enemy to take it out on. Power hungry people are skillful at manipulating fear, then identifying an enemy to blame for the fear,

Human violence permeates all of our lives. Not just the newsworthy violence that captures our attention until the next news item is put in front of us. There is the violence perpetrated on a small girl, alone in her bedroom being sexually abused by a family member. There is the woman who gets her jaw broken because she was 3 minutes late coming home form the store. There is the hate and violence aimed at blacks, immigrants, gays/lesbians, Democrats, Republicans, etc. Fear attempts to frighten and silence. So why do we act as if the actions of Jared Loughner are so out of the ordinary? They are not! The just remind of what we wish to ignore on a wholesale scale.

So why aren’t things going to change as a result of this violence? Well, simply put , because of fear. When we relate to one another out of fear we no longer can feel any sort of empathy. Fear turns others into things to protect ourselves from, and we then react accordingly. Fear blinds us (hence the saying “blind fear”). The child is no longer a child, it is a thing to act out power and control needs; that woman is no longer a loved one, rather a thing that threatens; Democrats/ Republicans are no longer people who have hopes and dreams, but villains, which threaten the very fabric on our country.

So, you see, this tragedy in Tucson will not change unless, we as human beings, wake up and recognize how dreadfully our most basic fears are being manipulated for the gain of those who want power, wealth, and fame. As soon as we recognize this sort of manipulation, we will be far less likely to be driven to rain violence down on each other. We will be able to live by the words:

“You are none other than me with a different name and a different face.” And treat each other with great patience, openness, and compassion.

Fear is the basis of all violence, greed, hatred and war! Stop the manipulation! Think for ourselves!

When we listen to and begin to live by the great teachers (Christ, Buddha, Krishna, Merton, King, Gandhi and of course many others) then this madness will stop.

WORKING WITH THE FOUR VEILS

Working with the Four Veils

This talk will explore the four tricky techniques big deal mind uses to protect solid self: illusions, delusions, attachments, and aggression. I think of these as veils—something that conceals, separates, or screens out. Illusions, delusions, attachments, and aggression all interfere with clear seeing by providing a perspective on your experiences that can be radically different from what’s actually occurring, which has the effect of separating you from the ongoing flow of your life. These four veils are interwoven and often interdependent. When illusions are challenged, delusion steps in to explain the discrepancy, then resistance to any information to the contrary shows up as attachment. Ultimately, aggression steps in to protect all three. The journey though illusion, delusion, and attachment generally occurs so quickly that we don’t recognize their influence until they show up in aggressive mindless reactions.

Watching the activity of the four veils will by keep you from being hooked into mindless reactions and will go a long way to deepening your mindful presence and practice throughout your life. Remember that mindful practice in not about getting rid of the four veils, rather bringing patient, open, and compassionate awareness to the flow of your life experiences.

Here are easy practices you can use in you day to day life that will help remind you to maintain spacious presence and break your reactive cycle. This section of practices will span a four week period. Each week will help strengthen mindful presnence in the presence of your four veils. You will work with your four veils while bringing mindful awareness to them.

Here is the strategy:

Begin and end every day with reminding yourself of the importance of cultivating patience, openness, and compassion. With each of the following pracrtices, take 15 – 20 minutes each day and connect with your breath.

Week one Illusion: During this week begin and end each day resting in the presence of your breath. As you breathe in silently repeat to yourself: I am reminded of my connection to all of life. As you breathe out silently repeat to yourself: I relax into the flow of all life.”

If you mind resists and wanders gently return to your breath and your remeiders.

Week two Delusion: During this week begin and end each day resting in the presence of your breath. As you breathe in silently repeat to yourself: I will listen to my lifes story. As you breathe out silently repeat: I will let go of my story.

Week three Attachment: Druing this week begin and end each day resting in the presence of your breath. As you breathe In silently repeat: I am letting go resistance. As you breathe out silently repeat: I am embracing all that is offered in each moment.


Week four Aggression: And finally during this week begin and end each day resting in the presence of your breath. As you breathe in silently repeat: I notice my fear/reaction. As you breathe out silently repeat: I strive to offer a patient, open, and compassionate response

The more you watch the four veils the less influence they will have. Bring spacious watchfulness to how the four veils operate, and you bring yourself closer and closer to enhancing mindful responses in your life. Every time you stop and pause with these four practices, you soften the solidity of your experience and create greater spaciousness for patience, openness, and compassion to deepen you mindful presence.

The nice thing about these practices is that you can take them with you throughout your day. When needed pause, return to your breath and silently repeat these reminders. If you are resisting the flow of life return to the reminders practiced in week one. If you are caught up in listening to your stories about the events of your life, return to the reminders you practiced in week two. If you are being stubborn, or otherwise attached, return to the reminders you practiced in week three. IF you are feeling tight and reactive return to the reminders you practiced in week 4.

Also, if you find that you struggle with one or more of these veils return to that chapter and keep working. The more you keep bringing watchful, spacious awareness to the flow of your life the more meaningful your mindful presence will become. This is a process. The more you work with it, the more it will work in your life.

As you navigate through the ongoing ebb and flow of your life experiences, take time to pause and reconnect with your awareness of how your veils of illusion, delusion, attachment, and aggression may be keeping you disconnected from others, from everything your life has to offer, and even from yourself.
Through the difficult work of self-inquiry in part 2 of this book, you’ve come to understand yourself and your ways of responding to the world, creating a foundation you can build upon as you expand your practice out into the world around you. Part 3 of this book will help you apply mindfulness to everyday activities such as eating, walking, and driving—and to your awareness of the world around you. It will also help you bring patience, openness, and compassion to the more substantial challenges of mindfulness in relationships. In the final chapter, I’ll introduce you to the ancient practice of loving-kindness meditation, which will help you extend compassion outward in an expansive way, ultimately to all living beings.

Thank a red light!

Hello!

So often we (me included!) are in a perpetual hurry, our minds firmly fixed on where it is we are headed to that we often miss one of the greatest opportunities to pause and reclaim a sense of mindful presence.

I am referring to the red light! That's right. When busily driving around, take this opportunity to change your perspective. See your driving amidst traffic as an example of how to be in the flow of the events of your life.

Rather than resisting, cursing, hitting your steering wheel about the red light, step back and view it as an opportunity. After all, getting upset is not going to make the light change any faster! They are all on timers! They are really not out to make your life miserable. Your reaction is what is making you miserable.

So when you come upon a red light say: Thank you! Take this time to find your pause (if you are not familiar with how to reconnect with your pause, check it out in my book The Mindfulness Workbook: A Beginners Guide to Overcoming Fear and Embracing Compassion). Rest with your pause and make the most of what this red light is offering too you. Look around you. Notice something pleasant, put a gentle smile on your face.

Again one of many occurrences in our lives that we can take advantage of to bring a greater sense of mindful presence alive for ourselves.

Peace to you.

Tom

mindfulness and relationships

I read this quote today and thought of the importance of remaining mindfully present in the way we relate to others.

"What others think of us would be of little value did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves."
- Paul Valery

Take some time today and reflect: The way we treat others is a mirror of the way we treat ourselves. If we are critical of others, in what way are we critical of ourselves? If we judge others how do we judge ourselves. If we put others down and ridicule them, how is it we do the same to ourselves?

You see it is so very easy to keep the focus on all that stuff out there: politics, religion, the environment, your mother-in-law, the kids, the president, our weight, the car we drive, getting others approval. This makes it very difficult to see that the source of our struggles resides is how we relate to ourselves.

Take some time each day to practice forgiveness, forgiveness towards our-selves. Give our-selves a break. Let our-selves be human and accept that we are who we are without criticism, judgment, or comparison. The more we accept ourselves as we are, the more we will do the same with others.

Watch how, as we learn to go lightly on ourselves we will begin to do the same with others.

Start with patience. Slow down and be more patient with yourself. Be realistic about what it is you expect to get done today. Pace yourself, and make some quiet time for yourself. Your life is unfolding just as it is. Are you going with it or fighting it because you want thing to go faster, get done sooner? Be patient with others around you. Remember they too are trying the best they can and are struggling with their own self judgments, criticisms, and fears. They don't need yours too!

Next practice openness. By openness I mean curiosity. Simply remain open to what is unfolding at any given moment. Whatever is occurring may or may not be what it is you want or think should be happening, none-the-less, it is happening any way. Watch how you try to control, resist, manipulate. By practicing openness, you can remain responsive to other people and you will find that your responses will add to what is occurring rather than fighting against it.

Finally practice compassion. There is a wonderful Zen saying:

"You are none other than me with a different name and a different face."

Practicing compassion when relating to others invites you to bring this awareness to better understanding and responding to others. Remembering this phrase allows you to keep from reacting to how other people may be thinking, feeling and/or reacting and respond with great compassion. Rather than needing to be right you can respond with "how can I help?"

As a final word. The wonderful thing about all this is that all we need to do is check in with ourselves. If we are agitated, angry, sad, disappointed, lonely, all we need to do is re-direct our awareness to what it is that the "out there" is touching "in here." Then it becomes easier. Rather that trying to do battle with, change, control, the others, life, we can focus our attention and energies where we can actually do something about our struggles. Yourself!

Treat yourself with greater patience, openness, and compassion, and you will see how this brings positive things to all of your relationships!